Who is God? Why is the topic of he/she/shim so complicated and controversial? Part of my summer “to do” list is to read The Bhagavad Gita again for the 3rd time in 4 years. I am trying and hoping to finally make some sense of it. So as I’ve started reading it I can’t help but contemplate this God/Krishna/Allah/Buddha question.
My teacher Dharma Mittra ends all his classes by saying “Be receptive to the grace of God”. Thoughts of “how, what, why, who is this God” spin through my head. In writing this post this morning, I discovered God has a website God.com Who knew he was so tech savvy?
Seriously though, I am confused. Here’s a little background on me so you get where I’m coming from…First through sixth grade I went to Catholic school. However since I was baptized in the Episcopal church down the street I couldn’t walk up to the Catholic altar with the other kids in the class. So several times a week when the school had to go to the adjacent Catholic church for service there were a handful of us sweet kids who had to sit back in the pews and observe from afar the altar process. Hmmm…as a kid this made little sense. If God truly loves all, shouldn’t we all be allowed up there? Does God discriminate?
Along with my Monday-Friday Catholic schooling, on Sundays I went to the Episcopal church with my parents. This lasted only until about 8th grade or so. Suddenly post junior high, we only went to church for special occasions – Easter, Christmas, etc. Less church was fine by me given I didn’t know many of the kids at the Episcopal church because they all went to different schools. Plus, I felt I had enough of the church structure embedded in me grades 1-6 by the Nuns and I was honestly very confused by all the God/Jesus speak.
Fast forward to my 20’s…I’m still confused. I continued to only go to church for special occasions when visiting family in DE over the holidays. To me these church trips were nice family time spent in a way that honored traditional holidays. What threw me is certain people in my life started to be come religious/God fanatics. For example, every letter/card/gift I started receiving from them always had to have some reference to God. This was enough to push me away from the God idea. When did God decide to get into marketing & advertising?
At 29 years of age when planning to get married, my confusion continues…I was content with a Justice of the Peace. I arranged one and a few weeks before our wedding day I hear “Your Grandmother has always said getting married by the JoP doesn’t count”. So Brian and I scrambled to find a non-JoP to marry us. We were referred to a Catholic Priest who can no longer practice in the church because he is married. I think once again…is God discriminating? Who make s up these rules? If God is so loving, why was this nice man excluded from doing his work/service in a church? Anyway, we interviewed the Catholic Priest who can’t practice in a church in the food court at Potomac Mills Mall. Indeed it was a very odd place to meet the person who is going to marry us but it was what it was. By the way, our wedding a couple of weeks later was perfect.
The point of all of this is as I meditated this morning for some reason I thought about God – this mysterious aura that surrounds each of us. I do believe there is something powerful and beyond each of us that supports every step we take and just as easily at times likes to shake us up a bit (i.e. natural disasters) to get us back on track. I don’t believe that driving around with GOD RULES bumper stickers and going to church every Sunday is the only way to believe in God. I am not saying I even know what the way is as I am clearly at 39 still confused (if you can’t tell). Though something tells me I’m not alone on this. So as I read The Bhagavad Gita, Talks Between the Soul and God I wonder who is God? Am I God? Is God in me? Is God in you? God help me make sense of this book. God help us all make sense of you.
PS: So far this is the best translation (The Bhagavad Gita, Talks Between the Soul and God) of The BG I’ve picked up. I highly recommend it. Maybe my confusion will be cleared up. One/God/I can only hope!