I’ve been debating on sharing this blog post (from my journal) for a week or so. Then I had a shift on Friday during a Dharma class at Pure Prana in Old Town Alexandria. I’ll save the “wow” moment for the end. So get reading…
In my previous blog post, I offered a glimpse into what my daily Dharma Mittra practice/plans and diet are for the next couple months. One aspect of the daily practice is reflecting on satya. This reflection process means spending time each day to reflect on thoughts, words and actions I will constantly practice (and which ones I will let go of ) to cultivate steadiness towards living complete truthfulness.
Another element of my daily Dharma “Life of a Yogi” training is the asana practice, specifically a Level II sequence created by Dharma that I do everyday. In addition to practicing it, I also have to teach Level II several times over the next month or so before heading back to NYC. So last Monday I attempted to teach a Dharma Level II class to one of my corporate groups in DC. The truth: I had a hard time with it. Teaching it doesn’t flow naturally for me. Practicing it doesn’t seem to flow naturally in my body either. For instance, it feels odd in my body to end the practice with energizing backbends (wheel, bow and locust —in this order which also feels odd to me) and then move into savasana. For years backbends have served as the peak of an asana practice for me, both as student and teacher. This is just one example of how this specific flow hasn’t resonated with me.
This is where the blog title “split yogini personality” becomes apparent. I feel I’m violating satya by teaching a set sequence of postures where it has yet to jive for me in my body. It’s as if when I’m teaching it the truth is coming out —awkward teaching due to awkward practice of it. Really we can only truly teach what we’ve personally experienced, right?
The other part of all this is I’ve been practicing Level II everyday at home since returning from NYC mid-Sept. It’s what I was told to do and I would be violating satya if I didn’t follow the plan, right? But I’ve also been believing (talking to myself in my head) that doing this same sequence day-in and day-out is causing me to regress in my personal practice. Clearly I made this up in my head because here’s where the shift/magical moment starts to happen…Earlier last week I took, for the first time in weeks, a non-Dharma class (different style, studio & teacher) and I felt way stronger than ever.
Then even more magic…on Friday (10/7) I went to Pure Prana to practice Dharma’s Level IV flow with Brittanie. I was more open than I ever have been. The tension in my chronically tight shoulders seemed to melt (not completely but dramatically!). And putting my legs behind my head was done without even an internal grimace.
Today as I type this, I’m realizing I’ve had some unconscious mental resistance (those darn monkeys in my head!) to this daily flow practice even though I’ve physically been doing it. And as split (and resistant) as I’ve been with finding Level II in my body, feeling it in my mind and teaching it to my students, something is clearly starting to happen. I think the real truth has yet to be revealed.